........are scary
I'm 24 years old soon but I'm still like a kid. I still have not learn to stand up for myself. I dont even know who I am half the time (think Erikson's stage 5: Identity vs role confusion). That sucks eh?
I havent blog for a while, coz I'm going through a rough period. It hurts to realise that I have not been handling my life as well as I thought I have. It's scary to face the inner me and to accept that I'm too weak to do everything on my own. I have bad bad coping strategies, and it's time I learn some new skills. And no, no matter what I think, I dont know it all. It was time I get help.
I'm seeing a psychologist. Once a week. It will be long term. So far so good.
I'm feeling horribly anxious to leave her and the rest of my emotional resources to go back to Brunei. What if I have another meltdown? I'm scared. I dont wanna leave, but I know it's time I tried standing on my own feet. Brunei will be a complete crazy drama (too many freaking problems), but I have learned better coping strategies *cross fingers*
It's funny how I thought I was doing ok, and I thought that I wascoping well, but apparently, I was simply in denial. Instead of solving problems, I have been avoiding them and somehow I had managed to convince myself I'm fine when obviously, my mental health is not ok. Ironically, this helps when I talk to my patients, coz I really do understand how they feel.
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On the other hand, this will be my final week of my psychiatry rotation. I'm going to miss it SO much. Very stressful and emotionally exhausting, but I love it!
I'm going to do a full psychiatry assessment in Cantonese on Thursday. I'm definitely feeling nervous about it because even my mandarin is so sucky that I dont think I can do it in Mandarin, and now, I have to do it in a language I've never used in my life (except when I go dim sum with friends)!
It's really my fault. I dont have to do it, but when one of my supervisors asked me, I just couldnt say no, coz 1- I'm curious about doing an assessment in a different language, and 2-I still have not learned to say no to people.
Wish me luck, peeps.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
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2 comments:
wt the.. wt happened?
u've made a brave effort for one. the thing about this is acceptance. accept ur losses, the witherness & learn to recover frm them. talk to ppl. get help. talk abt ur studies & the stresses to ppl.
well.. i hope brunei does not give u more problems than u already have. brunei is the most fantastic place i've been. i hope u really enjoy ur time here. coz its all slack, even in ripas ;)
recover!
Thanks, Keith.
I'll see you when I'm back :)
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