Lizzy......

....is unhappy everytime she comes back to Brunei.

Predictable, but I still dont know how to change things.
So what do I do? I smile and joke until I couldnt take it anymore, then I explode. Typical!

Dr A is so right. He frequently say things that makes me go "really???", and he always turn out to be right. One of them is "insight does not equal change, so insight is not enough". 6 weeks of psychiatry, I've learned a lot. From my experience with my patients, I know he's right. But I didnt know how right he is until I experience it myself!!
I've recognised what is making me unhappy. I know what to do to change, but I always take the easy way out (=not do anything/ avoid). Everytime I tell myself "sabar sabar", adding to my stress tank. Add add add, then when it's full, I explode.
I know it! But I just do not have the courage to stand up for myself.

When people push me, bully me, make me do things I dont wanna do, I never know how to convey my thoughts and feelings. I'm not stupid, but a lot of the time I just dont wanna upset other people. So I do things against my will, my feeling, my moral.

Blogging is a good way to release stress, because here I can be assertive. I can say what I feel, what I want. But in real life, it's just easier to shut up, swallow my own feelings and make other people happy.

A quick warning. One of the things that recently make me lost my temper is people laughing at me by pretending to be caring. It's ok to tell me I've gained weight. Just dont try to be smart or funny about it. I've heard enough. I'm not blind. I'm not deaf. This is my life. You dont understand what I'm going through. My weight is the least of my problem at the moment.
Dont be surprised if I ignore you. That's when I mentally tell myself to "sabar sabar".