I wish I can wake up from this nightmare :(
Why push me to be someone I'm not? How can so many things change in one hour?
I'm tired
--------------------
anyway, Happy Birthday :)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Toronto part 5
This will be my last batch of Toronto pictures. Huhu~
Just random pictures + Toronto Tower
Just random pictures + Toronto Tower
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Toronto Zoo yo (part 4)
Isnt that cool? Huhu~ Rupanya snakes see me like that when I pose in front of it.
Glabers!!! (the name of our class)
One of my phobias - just looking at the picture raises my anxiety to 3/10
kns, right? show me the butt nia
nope, I didnt go on the ride coz 1)the ride was not available, 2) I dont want the camel to die under my weight. Hahahaha
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Lessons in life
If I have to use one word to describe psychiatry, I'll use "eye-opening".
Unfortunately (or fortunately), for the few times that I was on call, I didnt see any psychotic patients. A few suicidal. A few substance abuse. There's a lot of psychotic patients in the wards, but I'm working in the clinics.
So instead of all those funky stories of hallucinations and delusions, I hear sad sad sad stories day in and day out. I see a lot of depression and anxiety, panic attacks.
It's awesome to see patients improve, to see them learning to stand up for themselves, coz really, a lot of depression and anxiety are seen in very very nice people, who dont know how to stand up for themselves. These are the sweetest people who wont say no when you ask them for a favor, people who tries hard to please other people, people who goes out of their way to avoid conflicts.
I remember my second day in psychiatry and my preceptor told me to follow up on a patient whose main problem is that he is too nice.
I was like "huh? I didnt know nice is a problem".
He replied "if you still dont think being "too nice" is a problem by the time you leave this rotation, I wouldnt have done my job very well"
And he's right!
But it's so sad, coz many times these people have no one to turn to. All they can do is tank all their feelings of hurt, anger and guilt inside them. They have no idea how to be assertive, how to balance being nice, polite, respectful with being direct and honest about what they want.
And when they come into our office, telling us stories of their "panic attacks that come out of nowhere", it just yanks at my heart, coz I know sitting in front of me is another sweet person who didnt realise that her/his panic attacks dont just come out of nowhere. There's always a reason, but most people are just not aware of them, coz their "stress tank" is full and overflowing but they dont know it.
And when you dig around their interpersonal history (relationship with family, friends, bf, colleagues, boss, teachers, etc), you'll always find stories that they have never told anyone in their life, coz they're too nice.
The stories are always sad stories. And then patients will start crying, and then I will cry with them. It's crazy someday.
A lot of people have no one they can lean on for support. So coming to our office, it's a safe space. We listen. We care. There's a lot of empathy, genuineness. We're interested. We dont awkwardly pass the tissue like most friends when patients start to cry. We wanna help. Everything is confidential. I dont see why people are so taboo about going to a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist. It can actually be very healing for the soul.
Medications do help to reduce the number of panic attacks, but medications is just a symptom reliever. It is not a cure. A cure can only be found by being aware of what brings on the panic attacks, and to do something about that. This is where therapy comes in! Brilliant!
Usually, we just have to learn to be assertive (not rude or aggressive). Not an easy thing to teach at all. Coz no one will listen to me if I teach like a teacher. Most of them are older than me anyway. So I've to ask questions so that they come up with the idea of being assertive on their own. It requires skills that I do not yet have. Hopefully one day I will.
I just love psychiatry. I particularly love my anxiety/panic disorder patients. Lovely lovely people with sad sad stories.
I watched group therapy with a group of 8 patients last night. It was great. I think I'll go back again next week, although I dont have to, and it's after my working hours. I just think it's super interesting.
My biggest blocking stone is actually language. My english is not too bad, but my chinese and malay are really not up to par for me to practise psychiatry in Brunei. So that's a little sad. Maybe I should go back to my surgery dream :p
Another nice thing about psychaitry is that, I learn how to communicate with people more effectively, and be observant with people's words. Communication is not an easy thing to teach, but our preceptors are awesome at teaching us how to connect with our patients.
And when I apply all those skills to my daily life, I was quite shocked to realise that there's a lot of things about people around me that I wouldnt have known or noticed three weeks ago before I do my psychiatry rotation.
Isnt life miraculous?
Just when you thought you sort of get it, you realise you dont.
Unfortunately (or fortunately), for the few times that I was on call, I didnt see any psychotic patients. A few suicidal. A few substance abuse. There's a lot of psychotic patients in the wards, but I'm working in the clinics.
So instead of all those funky stories of hallucinations and delusions, I hear sad sad sad stories day in and day out. I see a lot of depression and anxiety, panic attacks.
It's awesome to see patients improve, to see them learning to stand up for themselves, coz really, a lot of depression and anxiety are seen in very very nice people, who dont know how to stand up for themselves. These are the sweetest people who wont say no when you ask them for a favor, people who tries hard to please other people, people who goes out of their way to avoid conflicts.
I remember my second day in psychiatry and my preceptor told me to follow up on a patient whose main problem is that he is too nice.
I was like "huh? I didnt know nice is a problem".
He replied "if you still dont think being "too nice" is a problem by the time you leave this rotation, I wouldnt have done my job very well"
And he's right!
But it's so sad, coz many times these people have no one to turn to. All they can do is tank all their feelings of hurt, anger and guilt inside them. They have no idea how to be assertive, how to balance being nice, polite, respectful with being direct and honest about what they want.
And when they come into our office, telling us stories of their "panic attacks that come out of nowhere", it just yanks at my heart, coz I know sitting in front of me is another sweet person who didnt realise that her/his panic attacks dont just come out of nowhere. There's always a reason, but most people are just not aware of them, coz their "stress tank" is full and overflowing but they dont know it.
And when you dig around their interpersonal history (relationship with family, friends, bf, colleagues, boss, teachers, etc), you'll always find stories that they have never told anyone in their life, coz they're too nice.
The stories are always sad stories. And then patients will start crying, and then I will cry with them. It's crazy someday.
A lot of people have no one they can lean on for support. So coming to our office, it's a safe space. We listen. We care. There's a lot of empathy, genuineness. We're interested. We dont awkwardly pass the tissue like most friends when patients start to cry. We wanna help. Everything is confidential. I dont see why people are so taboo about going to a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist. It can actually be very healing for the soul.
Medications do help to reduce the number of panic attacks, but medications is just a symptom reliever. It is not a cure. A cure can only be found by being aware of what brings on the panic attacks, and to do something about that. This is where therapy comes in! Brilliant!
Usually, we just have to learn to be assertive (not rude or aggressive). Not an easy thing to teach at all. Coz no one will listen to me if I teach like a teacher. Most of them are older than me anyway. So I've to ask questions so that they come up with the idea of being assertive on their own. It requires skills that I do not yet have. Hopefully one day I will.
I just love psychiatry. I particularly love my anxiety/panic disorder patients. Lovely lovely people with sad sad stories.
I watched group therapy with a group of 8 patients last night. It was great. I think I'll go back again next week, although I dont have to, and it's after my working hours. I just think it's super interesting.
My biggest blocking stone is actually language. My english is not too bad, but my chinese and malay are really not up to par for me to practise psychiatry in Brunei. So that's a little sad. Maybe I should go back to my surgery dream :p
Another nice thing about psychaitry is that, I learn how to communicate with people more effectively, and be observant with people's words. Communication is not an easy thing to teach, but our preceptors are awesome at teaching us how to connect with our patients.
And when I apply all those skills to my daily life, I was quite shocked to realise that there's a lot of things about people around me that I wouldnt have known or noticed three weeks ago before I do my psychiatry rotation.
Isnt life miraculous?
Just when you thought you sort of get it, you realise you dont.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Dum dee Dum....
Just had the fun-est saturday for a really long time.
Went out with Nisa and Mai for Mary Brown Fried Chicken. It was raining and hailing, and even snowing/slushing. Isnt that crazy? It's June!!!
Then we had a little *picnic* in our house's basement living room. Nasi lemak + fried chicken is awesome!
We rarely ever had a chance to hang out together nowadays coz someone is always on call on weekends, or busy with other stuff - exams, etc, since we're all on different rotation.
Anyway, then we hang out in a nice little coffee shop "Second Cup". Excellent Vanilla Bean Latte + chocolate brownie square. Spent hours talking and talking.
Finally decided to go karaoke. So we went to a korean karaoke downtown where a friend works at. And spent a couple of hours singing + eating korean seafood pancake.
Thennn......ended up at Mai's place and talked and talked and talked until almost 2am.
I'm still sleepy *yawn*
Went out with Nisa and Mai for Mary Brown Fried Chicken. It was raining and hailing, and even snowing/slushing. Isnt that crazy? It's June!!!
Then we had a little *picnic* in our house's basement living room. Nasi lemak + fried chicken is awesome!
We rarely ever had a chance to hang out together nowadays coz someone is always on call on weekends, or busy with other stuff - exams, etc, since we're all on different rotation.
Anyway, then we hang out in a nice little coffee shop "Second Cup". Excellent Vanilla Bean Latte + chocolate brownie square. Spent hours talking and talking.
Finally decided to go karaoke. So we went to a korean karaoke downtown where a friend works at. And spent a couple of hours singing + eating korean seafood pancake.
Thennn......ended up at Mai's place and talked and talked and talked until almost 2am.
I'm still sleepy *yawn*
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
random pictures
Something I bought from toronto airport during Easter.
A green apple covered with caramel & white chocolate. Super yummy!
A green apple covered with caramel & white chocolate. Super yummy!
Ok, so I do waste money buying flowers to put on my table. Bo pien la. No bf to buy for me.
Currently have a huge bunch of pink carnations. I love pink.Remember "Mooer" from my previous post?
Recently, I saw "Whinny" in a sales rack in one of the hospital gift shops. I think they look perfect together!
The earliest I've ever gone to work nowadays are 830am. Some days I go at 9 or 10am. It's really crazily flexible. I'm usually done early as well, though I do like to stay until at least 4pm to do some reading or write my reports. Isnt that awesome?
I just hate to be on call and have to stay until midnight. Or if my call is on a weekend, it'll be until 9am the next day. Sucks!
On the bright side, it's 930pm now, the sun still has not set!
AND I'm going back to Brunei in 4weeks+ time. Yay!
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